Support Person: What Does Labor Look like for You?
Calling all husbands, partners, and birth support people! How you are coming into labor and delivery is just as important as the birthing mama herself. You are setting the scene and the tone for the entire birth story. Your wife has grown this beautiful baby for ~9 months, but this can be where you as a partner truly shine! I am going to go over 4 ways partners can be the best support people in the room during labor and delivery, so you can feel empowered, confident and ready too.
1. Open the Discussion with your Partner:
A lot of times expecting mamas are so focused on the meditative work to get themselves ready for labor, and sharing their birth plans with their providers, that preparing you as their support person can somewhat take a back burner. It is easy to think that in the moment instincts kick in and hospital staff steps up, but truly this likely is not going to happen exactly how you want as a birthing mama especially if you have many wishes for your birth plan. Thus, support people, take the initiative and sit down with your partner and ask them their preferences. Try to consider things to discuss with them that are in our control during labor and delivery… For example, we can control lighting, sounds, scents, temperatures, who is in the room, and other factors, so this is a good start in gathering their initially preferences. Also talk to them about their preferences on medication vs non medicated options and their preferences in timing to go to the hospital. Have you talked about newborn vaccine preferences and baby specific preferences for after baby is here (cord clamping, vernix, baths, breastfeeding vs formula feeding, etc). These are all fantastic items to discuss with your partner to ensure unity when the day comes!
2. Partners, Find Your Voice:
Now that you know your birthing partner’s overall preferences for items in your control, learn how to put these items into action. This goes way beyond ordering an aromatherapy set on Amazon. I am talking about being able to articulate their preferences, concerns, and boundaries during the actual labor and delivery process to others (family members, nurses, doctors, staff, etc.) Everyone wants expecting mamas baby to come into the world in the most beautiful way, but everyone has a different idea of what that looks like. For example, doctors want to get their cervical exams done, nurses want to make sure vitals are being monitored well, family members can want to be helpful, but you as the partner know what your wife needs/wants/desires. It is completely your job and responsibility to speak up, ask questions and make sure that your beliefs and preferences are being honored. Do not feel weird telling the staff you need a few minutes to make X decision, feel free to whisper or check in with your wife before responding to their requests. This is not rude, this is informed consent which is so so so important and essential to a good birth story.
3. Learn the General Concepts of Labor:
If you do not feel well versed on labor itself, it is going to be exceedingly difficult for you to be a support person outside of advocacy and taking the lead. You want to also be able to support your partner during the different phases of labor and then pushing as well. General concepts to understand: different phases of labor, different stations in birth, what cervical checks mean (effacement and dilation), how the inlet and outlet of the pelvis differ and their importance (we have a separate blog post on this). Knowing these topics can help you in the moment understand what is happening, how labor is progressing and how to be supportive at different moments of time. The main item I want to discuss here is that the baby must descend into the pelvic bones (inlet), reaches the pelvic floor muscles which is what closes the inlet and opens the outlet of the bones for baby to be able to come out the bottom! This is important because different movements and positions open the top of the bones early in labor and open the bottom of the bones later on. As a general concept, early in labor, inlet is opening, think deep squats, knees wide, stretching and opening movements. Later in labor and closer to pushing, we want the outlet of the bones to open, so we are thinking more about knees coming close and opening ankles (internal rotation of hips), peanut ball can be useful as well! We do A LOT mote of this with partners in our 6 weeks of birth prep for Denver clients!
4. Start Early, NOT Late:
Birth prep does not begin at 37 weeks. Labor and delivery is a marathon, and training the whole last trimester is IMPERATIVE. Help your partner as a support person between 28-30 weeks so that you feel connected, prepared and your partner feels good. There are many massage techniques, belly oils, partner stretches, perineal work that can be started well before your wife is at term. It is so important to do these items in order to feel like you are going in excited to meet baby not like a deer in the headlights. Perineal massage is an incredible techniques (see other blog on this) that can help to decrease the risk of high grade tearing to this perineal tissue. High grade tearing tremendously impacts long term postpartum recovery, so starting early is key!
I really hope all of this information has been a good launch pad for you to begin thinking about birth preparation from a partner perspective. If reading this made you feel overwhelmed, that was not the intention! Our Denver team is here for you. Our evidence based, pelvic floor therapists offer in home prenatal care to help you and your partner prepare for birth. The results- you feeling empowered, ready and confident going into the labor and delivery room. Let’s do this, parents!
